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Theres nothing he can do. I feel shame. Im ashamed of being who I am. Even my parents being two monsters, Im rich, Im healthy, apart from my head obviously… And still I cant live. There are people in the world living with so much less, so much… And I just cant be happy. I wish for death every single day… Im surprised about how much I was telling that man I just met. He is just there, listening. Looking like he understands me. We both stare at the tiny street down there. Its so peaceful up here. My mind is so quiet. I had already been there he says Once. Ready to jump just like you. Why? Many people died because of me. Are you a killer or something? Yes, and no. I mean, I have already killed people, but I dont do it for fun. I was negotiating the release of nine hostages in a bank robbery he said resignedly. Oh… You… Are you a cop? I ask. Not anymore he answers with that same sad smile But I couldnt jump, as you can see. Its way different I say. I know. I know that. I was trained to. One section boasted a substantial bed for Sandrine and Amélie. The other had a single bed, almost a cot, for Gérard. Despite the apparent intimacy, it was a common arrangement and, given the family relationships, one that caused no comment.Amélie had worried at first whether Sandrine would be permitted to stay with them, but once it was made clear she was a senior and trusted family retainer, despite her youth, as well as a free woman, not a slave, her presence was accepted. It was accepted by the only persons that mattered—namely, Captain Leavenworth and his officers. The crew was billeted in and ate in separate quarters. Like Captain Beauchamp of Black Weasel, Leavenworth ran a tight ship. There would be no muttering or signs of disrespect to Sandrine, especially given the evident trust and importance Father placed in her and her relationship to his daughter and his ward, Gérard.Eight weeks is a long time aboard a relatively small vessel. This year the seas were relatively calm,.
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